Top 10 Ways to Make School Better

hey you in my class I am today what better way to usher in a new school year than to discuss all the ways it could be improved and here is the human heart which you can see is actually located in the center of your chest welcome to and today we’re counting down our picks for the top 10 ways to make school better the penis is now as you will observe more or less fully erect ah that’s better for this list we’ll be looking at the different ways in which we think the education system could be improved since you know we get that eliminating it all together isn’t really an option sigh you know 90% of the country believes in ghosts listen a third in evolution 35% can correctly identify Homer Simpson and the fictional town in which he resides less than 1% knows the name Thurgood Marshall number 10 make class length dependent on subject matter you have part of my attention you have the minimal amount the rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room including and especially your clients are intellectually or creatively capable of doing why is it the classes like math and science which typically require more time to properly comprehend last as long as ho mech look we all know home as a joke no offense it’s just like everyone takes his class to get an A it’s posted and I’m sorry and it’s not putting down your profession but it’s just the way I feel we think that the length of a particular class should be dependent on the subject matter too often the bell rings and you’re left staring at a chalkboard or projector loaded with dense information do science and then you only have a few moments before you’re expected to be in your next class it’s only logical that subjects that require less time to learn should be shorter whereas subjects that are more difficult should be longer right chlorophyll more like Borah Phil right being able to quote Shakespeare is all well and good but dedicating time to topics that just naturally take longer to learn seems like a beneficial concept for students or a mr. Zuckerberg brighter men than you have tried and failed this class unmodified that is correct does everybody see how he got there number nine fire bad teachers in an effort to alleviate the effects of the anyone anyone the Great Depression passed the anyone anyone a tariff bill the hawley-smoot tariff act maybe they taught English maybe they taught math or perhaps it was the woodshop teacher but he or she sucked it teaching and everyone knew it you may someday be doctors or lawyers or scientists most of you however will be pumping gas or Konig sheet metal and that’s why we have Trump Park as in any line of work some people are worse at their job than others are you gonna teach us anything or are we just gonna say here just do whatever you want however unlike many other professions teachers have the benefit of tenure on their side tenured teachers are harder to fire for ineffectiveness in the classroom allowing them to inflict their poor teaching methods on generations of kids getting rid of tenure would allow for school boards to remove teachers who aren’t doing their jobs properly thus creating more room for teachers who can effectively run a classroom okay danger is mine let’s break into groups discuss chapter one and if you are lucky my sneaky little planet Earth number eight give students more time outside many current education systems rely heavily on children sitting in cramped spaces with their only natural light source being a row of dirty windows on a nearby wall who wouldn’t like a little extra time in the Sun in places like Finland and East Asia students are given breaks periodically throughout the day specifically to be spent outside the classroom all they want to do is climb a tree thank you to climb a tree they can come climb achieve and they learn unzip country but they end up while climbing the tree from really finding out about different insects and they can come to the school next day tell me about what they found our brains tend to get a little groggy when we sit for long stretches being in small rooms under fluorescent lights for four to six hours a day only adds to this exhaustion more outdoor time and a better understanding of mother nature is a must [Music] with songs they have sung for a thousand years number seven get rid of group projects now this will be a group project so I’m gonna place you all into groups of five everyone remembers the dreaded group project the teacher would call out four names and you’d awkwardly shuffle towards one another eyes cast down hands jammed into pockets your mind rapidly formulating a plan for how to best outwit your teammates so they’ll do all the work not tweak we don’t want to be in a group with tweak there’s nothing wrong with tweak I bet he’ll do a great job in your group group projects were an excuse for the lazy to be lazy and for the hard-working to earn their title and be forced to share it with their fellow team members carrying the dead weight of someone who doesn’t feel like doing his or her share isn’t what school is supposed to be about do you want to watch TV welcome back Carter time are you okay horshack Michelle it’s high time education professionals held a conference to eliminate this superfluous gathering of minds because you just can’t toss kids together and expect them to form like Voltron number six make cafeteria food better and healthier I made an extra as we know maintaining a well-balanced diet is an important part of staying healthy however when it comes to the food served in many schools around the world you’d almost be better off skipping lunch entirely you remember me telling Jimbo Jones that I’d make something of it one day mmm are you saying you killed Jimbo processed his carcass and served him for lunch okay not really but the facts are in and foods that are high in sodium fat and sugar are causing kids across the globe to pack on the pounds without going completely vegan it would be a spectacular change of pace to see schools adopt a healthier meal plan for their cafeterias now plans that managed to be nutritious but still tastes good that is it was definitely the best place to eat in town it was the school cafeteria saying goodbye to sloppy joes and hello to a nice Cobb salad doesn’t sound so bad does it lady you’re scaring us number five eliminate bullying as long as there’s been school there have been bullies while they come in all shapes and sizes the common thread is their unrelenting desire to see others suffer throughout the years many students have feigned illness to avoid an encounter with the school aggressor why does it have to be this way a bully free school environment would make all the difference no more hiding in the bathroom at lunchtime or dreading getting picked last in gym class eliminating bullying is easier said than done however it holds true that anything worth doing shouldn’t be a walk in the park O’Doyle rules O’Doyle I got a feeling your whole family’s going down but for now I got a studdy motivational speakers and anti-bullying classes are simple ways schools could try to end the plague of bullying number 4 make school hours shorter good work people we will continue with our lecture on the man when we return children today are learning 24/7 access to computers allows kids to discover new information at a rate that was previously unheard of how about global thermal nuclear so why are we sticking them in cramped poorly lit buildings five days a week in the name of Education a study on elementary school students conducted by Georgia State University and Montana State University found that shortening the school week to four days could improve student’s academic performance it is Saturday and we’re at the beach and I got enough junk food a chicken goat what more could you want not only does shorter school weeks lead to increased productivity among both students and teachers they also serve as an effective way to help save costs those extra funds could be put towards different student services Hey you and the Cape yep first let’s go hey if the academics say it’s cool who are we to disagree Finland students have the shortest school days and the shortest school years in the entire Western world they do better by going to school less number three give schools more funding the annual bake sale provides 90% of the school’s funding it’s no secret that children are the future yet when you walk the halls of public schools around the world it appears as if government’s don’t really believe it where’s our desk right – well a lot of cuts had to be made since the schools funding is short for lawsuit crumbling infrastructure x’ outdated books broken chairs and everyone’s favourite tube TV at top of tray on wheels these are just some of the problems facing both students and teachers today bottom line schools need better funding children today grow up with an iPad in one hand and an Xbox controller in the other yet when they come to school they’re faced with archaic textbooks dusty chalkboards and desks from the 80s like they say an investment in knowledge pays the best interest that I hope you do otherwise it’s lovely potatoes from here on out number two abolish standardized testing do you even know what I said she stands for test scholastic aptitude test the hardest tests are the ones where you don’t know what’s coming that’s why standardized testing isn’t an accurate representation of a student’s academic worth what are you people on federal and state testing lumps everyone into a single category when in reality different people learn at different rates it’s a test Sammy will test this you can quack teachers should be the ones who ultimately decide what’s on a test because they’re the ones disseminating knowledge to their students on a daily basis moving away from standardized testing and putting the task in the hands of teachers what benefits students greatly allowing them to test their knowledge of a particular subject in a way they’re familiar with Plus nobody likes filling in all those tiny circles a lot of people think these questions are difficult no no this questions I’ll have answered before we unveil our number one pick here are some honorable mentions mr. Spicoli has been kind enough to bring us a stack be my guest help yourselves did you study for this test yeah why then not such a miracle really Luke can’t go to the bathroom no you went 20 minutes ago I have a bladder infection appalled alright number one no more homework if you can just turn to page 47 of land of truth and liberty oh I left that book in my locker mr. ad in that case I’m glad I remembered to bring an extra copy just for you the last thing any kid wants to do when they get home from school is homework a Stanford University study found that in countries like Japan and Denmark less homework was assigned and students ended up performing better than students in other countries where more homework is given after school time should be devoted to relaxing with friends and family not burning the midnight oil trying to complete an assignment teachers should suggest interesting museums to visit or good books to read encouraging students to learn in a more hands-on manner [Music] schools should strive to ensure that all subjects require an equal amount of homework because nighttime and weekends are for having fun not cramming oh so much homework childhood slipping away put down those books and go play this instant if you say so do you agree with our list you are a bitch why cuz I’m telling the truth that makes me a bitch what are your ideas for making school better for more entertaining top 10s published every day be sure to subscribe to [Music]

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